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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27335794">The group chat, ig</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Filextape/pseuds/Filextape'>Filextape</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Hugo “Eight” Hargreeves [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Umbrella Academy (Comics), The Umbrella Academy (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anxiety Attacks, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Male Character, The gays are rampant, family group chat, help these eight children, klaus and Dave are so cute though</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 23:48:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,242</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27335794</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Filextape/pseuds/Filextape</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In which the Hargreeves children are just being themselves<br/>OR<br/>Eight created a group chat to ensue chaos</p><p>A/N: Eight is a male in this fanfic, but you can fill in his name and pronouns with yours if you want!<br/>[CURRENTLY ON HOLD]</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Allison Hargreeves/Luther Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves/David "Dave" Katz, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Number Five | The Boy (Umbrella Academy)/Reader, Number Five | The Boy/Original Hargreeves Character(s), Number Five/Number Eight</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Hugo “Eight” Hargreeves [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2034130</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Eight, what did you do?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I still have more tags to add and Eight is gonna be based off of a character I have planned. Also if you want to you can fill in Eight’s name with your own.<br/>They’re all 13 in this chapter- so wheeee</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">A group chat, ig?</span>
</p><p>Number Three: What is this?</p><p>
  <em>Number Three changed their name to Queen.</em>
</p><p>Number Six: Who created this?</p><p>
  <em>Number Six changed their name to Demonchild.</em>
</p><p>Number Five: eight ill kill you if you made this</p><p>
  <em>Number Four changed their name to Spookboi.</em>
</p><p>Spookboi: i’ll protect eight from u, u monster.</p><p>Number Two: This is the first thing I see when I open my phone I-</p><p>
  <em>Number Two changed their name to knivesss</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Number Seven changed their name to Vanya.</em>
</p><p>Vanya: What’s wrong with Eight?</p><p>Number One: Eight, I’m telling dad.</p><p>Number Eight: :0</p><p>
  <em>Number Eight changed their name to The Genius.</em>
</p><p>Queen: No, Luther</p><p>Number One: Okay.</p><p>The Genius: How would you know if it were me? =D</p><p>Number Five: if i didnt suspect before now i know it was you</p><p>
  <em>Number Five changed their name to Five.</em>
</p><p>The Genius: No it wasn’t Five.</p><p>Five: youre a terrible liar eight im sitting right next to you on our bed</p><p>The Genius: What are you gonna do, spank me?</p><p>Spookboi: use protection u 2</p><p>Number One: :0</p><p>knivesss: :0</p><p>Queen: :0</p><p>Demonchild: Umm wow Eight...</p><p>Vanya: You guys are surprised? They’ve been like this forever</p><p>The Genius: Klaus and Vanya get your asses over here.</p><p>Number One: Language Eight.</p><p>Vanya: Um, no thanks.</p><p>Spookboi: yah don’t want to intrude on u 2</p><p>Demonchild: So I’m safe</p><p>The Genius: Because you’re Ben and Ben can do nothing wrong.</p><p>Demonchild: Yayyyyy</p><p>Vanya: I thought I was your favorite sister.</p><p>Five: if were talking favorites then everyone knows im eight’s favorite sibling by a huge margin</p><p>Spookboi: you aren’t even considered his sibling</p><p>The Genius: He is legally...</p><p>Vanya: Why did Klaus and I catch you two cud-</p><p>Five: SHUT IT VANYA</p><p>Queen: Ew incest</p><p>The Genius: Says the one who makes out with Luther every chance you two get.</p><p>Number One: We do not.</p><p>knivesss: Let’s be fair, this family has a ton of incest in it, and we aren’t even 14 yet.</p><p>Vanya: No incest on my part, you guys are too weird for me to like you</p><p>Spookboi: all the people in this family are too stubborn</p><p>Demonchild: I just don’t like anyone, that’s okay, right?</p><p>The Genius: Technically it isn’t incest</p><p>Spookboi: 1, so u admit u and five have a thing for each other</p><p>Spookboi: 2, u know ur in trouble when u have to say technically</p><p>Five: we dont</p><p>The Genius: We’ve been fighting since we could talk</p><p>Five: now please shut the fuck up i need sleep from all the stupidity this family creates</p><p>Queen: Remind me how this conversation started</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Eight’s name!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Eight begins using his name again, and teases Five about the latter’s name.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I feel bad about giving Five a name that doesn’t suit him and yet I don’t because it would explain why the family doesn’t use it! Let me know if it’s alright! Also this is when they were all 13 still. Sorry for the mild sex references (top/bottom/switch) TT but teenagers do be like that- Five and Hugo aren’t irresponsible though.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">The group chat, ig</span>
</p><p>
  <em>The Genius changed their name to Hugo</em>
</p><p>Hugo: Robin what are you up to?</p><p>knivesss: Hue who is Robin?</p><p>Vanya: Yeah, there’s no Robin on this group chat???</p><p>Spookboi: Hugo did you write this on the wrong chat kiddo?</p><p>Hugo: Guyssss you know I only am able to talk to like- you guys and then Felixxxxxieeee. right?</p><p>Felix: Hugo I dont count go snog your boyfriend or something.</p><p>Hugo: ??? I don’t have one ???</p><p>Felix: nvm</p><p>Hugo: And you guys seriously don’t rememberchjhkgukgyjfuyfgdjyg</p><p>
  <em>Five deleted 9 messages</em>
</p><p>Five: Hugo you’re in so much trouble.</p><p>Hugo: You can’t catch me, Robin Hood! </p><p>
  <em>Five deleted 1 message</em>
</p><p>Five: Of all things you could remember with your priceless brain, you remember that?</p><p>Hugo: It’s fun to remember stuff like that and see you tortured hehehe</p><p>Hugo: Oh shit he’s mad</p><p>Vanya: How can you tell?</p><p>Hugo: fuck gtg jhuwgihib</p><p> In real life:</p><p> Five stared daggers at Hugo, who was hiding a laugh (albeit not well) as he was tackled on the bed.</p><p> “Five, you’re heavy!” Hugo coughed, and then laughed. Five twisted Hugo’s arm slightly.</p><p> “Why did you do that Hugo?” he spat.</p><p> “Robin, your name is cute, why wouldn’t I do that?” Five twisted Hugo’s arm more.</p><p> “That’s exactly why you don’t do that. I am not cute.”</p><p> Hugo’s golden eyes looked into Five’s blue ones. “Okay, I’m sorry. Hell, I’ll even let you say one of my secrets to the group.”</p><p> Five smirked, having the perfect one in mind. “You’re gonna regret this.”</p><p> Hugo smiled, scrunching his eyebrows. “I doubt it, Five.”</p><p> Five’s smirk widened as he lied down next to Eight, who had gotten back on his phone. “You so are.”</p><p>
  <span class="u">The group chat, ig</span>
</p><p>Five: So a little while ago Hugo and I were just chilling in his bed, and he had fallen asleep. He moved and accidentally touched me, so I saw inside the dream. Hugo do you want to finish this?</p><p>Hugo: Holy shit not that secret Five—</p><p>Five: Okay then.</p><p>Five: He was being a bottom for me.</p><p>knivesss: what is a bottom?</p><p>Demonchild: Oh no...</p><p>Spookboi: HOLY SHIT HUGO AND FIVE ARE TOGETHER</p><p>Hugo: No we aren’t and istg I don’t like him it was one dream and we’re thirteen that just happens because we’re teens it doesn’t mean anything Klaus</p><p>Five: Klaus if i ever see you again i will kill you :)</p><p>Demonchild: I love this family.</p><p>Demonchild: So much incest</p><p>Demonchild: So much murder</p><p>knivesss: guys what is a bottom?</p><p>Spookboi: As I saw Hugo text earlier, catch me if you can Robin.</p><p>
  <em>Five deleted 1 message</em>
</p><p>Five: You’re dead Klaus.</p><p>Hugo: Be nice this is more embarrassing for me than you Five</p><p>Five: I picked a secret to tell and told that one!</p><p>Hugo: Okay</p><p>Hugo: Can I delete that now?</p><p>Spookboi: Screenshotted Hue, you’re never getting out of our torture.</p><p>Five: nope Hue</p><p>Hugo: :(</p><p>Hugo: :(</p><p>Hugo: :(</p><p>Five: For fuck’s sake Hugo Hargreeves you’re so annoying.</p><p>Demonchild: What did he do?</p><p>
  <em>Hugo deleted 13 messages</em>
</p><p>knivesss: what is a bottom?</p><p>
  <span class="u">Direct message with Number Eight and Number</span>
  <span class="u"> Five</span>
</p><p>Number Eight: But you love me for it~</p><p>Number Five: No homo</p><p>Number Eight: Ouch &lt;/3</p><p>
  <span class="u">The group chat, ig </span>
</p><p>Five: Haha Hugo is a stop light</p><p>
  <em>Five sent a picture.</em>
</p><p>Hugo: Ugh no— I look like a carnival</p><p>Spookboi: Fun?</p><p>Hugo: Shut it klaus</p><p>Five: Haha he’s even more red if possible!</p><p>
  <em>Five sent a video</em>
</p><p>Hugo: Noooooo</p><p>Five: You’re super red right now</p><p>Hugo: shushhhh</p><p>Five: No you look healthy for once</p><p>Demonchild: WHAT WAS THAT NOISE</p><p>Spookboi: Five and Hugo?</p><p>knivesss: Im going to their room</p><p>Demonchild: Me too</p><p>Spookboi: HOLY CRAP FIVE JUST- I JUST OPEN THE- IOFSJOEIWHFOSDLK WHAT THE FUCK</p><p>knivesss: They’re loud when they fight...</p><p>Demonchild: Yeah...</p><p>Demonchild: That was scary when it got silent...</p><p>Spookboi: HOLY SHIT FIVE I- YOU- WOW</p><p>
  <em>Spookboi sent a photo</em>
</p><p>Spookboi: ALLY YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS</p><p>Queen: HOLY SHIT</p><p>Number One: What is going on?</p><p>Number One: Oh...</p><p>Vanya: You know how mad they’re going to be when they see this?</p><p>knivesss: Why is Hugo making that noise?</p><p>Spookboi: Oh no they saw us-</p><p>Demonchild: Run</p><p>knivesss: but really what’s a bottom?</p><p>Spookboi: What Mr. Hugo Hargreeves is for Mr. Robin Hargreeves.</p><p>
  <em>Five deleted 2 messages</em>
</p><p>Five: No.</p><p>Spookboi: SKOIJFOI You’re the bottom?</p><p>Five: NO</p><p>Spookboi: You’re the switch?</p><p>Hugo: Klaus we’re 13 years old we ain’t fucking</p><p>Five: No Klaus one more question about Hugo and I and I will torture you to death.</p><p>knivesss: please tell me what’s a bottom now i want to know so badly? :( :( :(</p><p>Demonchild: You don’t want to know Diego-</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Wheee! I’m debating whether to skip forward to when Five blinks to the future or whether to give more insight on when they were younger, let me know which one you like better! I’m about to have a book which will go more into detail on their lives and go over Hugo’s version of a Hargreevian childhood :)<br/>One last thing. Things have been really tense between my ex and I, his friends and him have been resurfacing a lot of my anger issues. I recently said things that are out of line, and the whole group is pissed at me. As a result my aggression is becoming a little too much for me to bear. &gt;_&lt; I might be taking a little bit of a long break or not depending on how I’m feeling.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. The Apocalypse is Coming</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Five decided to jump ahead in time. Little does he know Hugo is following behind.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So, to get a basis of Hugo’s powers, Hugo is incredibly smart, can slow down time, and has a “dream realm” which he can transport people to.<br/>TRIGGER WARNING: Panic attack, mentions of near death experiance.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">The group chat, ig</span>
</p><p>Five: Time travel</p><p>Hugo: No Five</p><p>Five: Yes Five</p><p>Hugo: Five you could get yourself stranded in the middle of nowhere</p><p>Five: I won’t, I know how to control time perfectly well Hue.</p><p>Hugo: No, you don’t, space and time are two different things Five.</p><p>Vanya: Guys hurry up and go downstairs, dad’s waiting for us to get to breakfast.</p><p>In real life:</p><p> Hugo and Five looked at each other.</p><p> “Five, I’m not gonna let you.”</p><p> “Hugo, you’re starting to sound like dad.”</p><p> “What if you can’t go back?!”</p><p> Five grabbed Hugo by his sleeve and pulled him out of their room and downstairs.</p><p> “Number Eight! Number Five! You’re late!”</p><p> Hugo dipped his head, golden hair in his face. Five’s expression hardened.</p><p> “We have many things to attend to today and you are late!”</p><p> Hugo whimpered very softly, only Five could hear. Five looked straight ahead, trying not to pay attention to the fact that Reginald would end up punishing Hugo as punishment for the duo.</p><p> “Sit down.”</p><p> They both sat down, Hugo’s hands shaking. As they placed their napkins on their lap, Five laid a hand on Hugo’s to try and calm him down, not taking his eyes away from the plate for fear of it being a giveaway to Reginald. Hugo held it for a moment, then they both went to eat.</p><p> Later in the day, Hugo had “training”. Training usually consisted of survival tactics and extending Hugo’s power further. Hugo often fainted during the training and nearly died once.</p><p> He sensed that the room he had just left was the second to last room. He could tell because Reginald had designed that room to be physical training.</p><p> He looked around the room in fear. It looked a lot like what he imagined to be an asylum.</p><p> “Number Eight! Focus!”</p><p> Hugo looked at the room, fearful of the shrill voice from the speakers. He tried recreating a realm, but couldn’t move past the wall. It was getting colder by the second. Being scared that he couldn’t go much longer, he slowed down time. He looked around for a way out. Knowing Reginald had secured off all the other ways out he had figured out before, he created another realm. He felt exhausted from the usage of both powers. The cold was nearly freezing the room over, even with time almost frozen, the cold was biting down fast. Creating a key to the door, he opened it and walked out.</p><p> “Number Eight,” Reginald said. “It is nearly time for lunch.”</p><p> “Yes sir,” he said.</p><p> He walked up towards the dining room in silence, shaking and shivering from fear and the cold.</p><p> “Hugo!” Mom’s voice called, cheerful as always. She seemed to be in the kitchen. “Come here darling, you forgot to take your medicine!”</p><p> “Coming!” He called, running over.</p><p> She put the pill in his hand. “Can you call Vanya over, darling? She forgot her meds too.”</p><p> “Yes mom,” he said. He ran to the dining room.</p><p> “Vanya, you forgot your pills. Mom told me to go get you.” She nodded, standing up and walking towards the kitchen.</p><p> “Number Eight! You know that mealtimes are strictly to be left undisturbed.”</p><p> “Yes sir.” His head lowered.</p><p> “You’ll have to run the course again later, young man.”</p><p> “Yes sir.” He nodded, going to sit down at his usual place in between Five and Diego. He looked at his food. He wanted to eat, but his body felt dead and sick. He was shaking, and Five moved his hand down to Hugo’s hand for the second time today. It helped until Reginald called him out on it.</p><p> “Number Five! Number Eight! No contact at the table!”</p><p> Hugo began to melt down. It was obvious he was having difficulty throughout the day from everything. Five wanted to help him, he watched as Hugo’s breaths got shorter. His already sickly looking face looked much worse. Five debated what to do before Hugo’s panic attack started. Hugo’s shaking got worse, and he dropped his fork by accident. His hands ran to his head, and he began clutching at his head and chest, as if it were going to make it better. He tried to sway to make it better, crawling up into a ball. Five looked at Hugo in nervousness. Klaus frowned, trying to figure out the best way to help him, as Hugo had helped him. Their siblings tried not to think about it.</p><p> “Number Eight! Stop being over dramatic!”</p><p> Five looked at Hugo again. His brow clenched, trying to figure out what to do. Hugo’s shortness of breath wasn’t getting any better, he knew it. Vanya walked into the room with Grace.</p><p> “Hugo, darling, are you alright?” Grace asked. Hugo, shaking, looked up. Grace walked over. “Hugo, honey, let’s go to your room, alright?” Hugo nodded strangely. Grace held out her hand. Hugo took it and looked at Five, pulling his sleeve. Five felt how badly he was shaking. “Five has to stay here, Hugo.” Hugo shook his head. “Hugo, let’s go to your room.” Hugo got even worse.</p><p> “F-f-f-f-f-f-five n-n-n-n-need-d-d-s t-to c-com-me,” Hugo stuttered out.</p><p> “Number Eight! Number Five can’t always help you!”</p><p> “Hugo, let’s go.”</p><p> “N-n-n-no,” Hugo just barely whispered. Five’s hand fell over Hugo’s, taking it off gently. Hugo was able to take a breath.</p><p> “Hugo, he’ll be upstairs after lunch.” Grace held his hand. “You need to sleep and let your medicine kick in.” She looked at him, taking him off of his seat. His body weight leaned into her, and he fainted.</p><p> That evening, Five sat by his bed, sighing.</p><p> “Robin?” Hugo asked sleepily.</p><p> “Are you okay?” Five asked.</p><p> “...Yeah, I am now...” Hugo muttered, taking Five’s hand in his own.</p><p> “I’m going to take you if I travel.”</p><p> “Would expect no less.” Hugo pulled Five down, cuddling to him. Five stayed still, trying not to do anything that would cause Hugo to be any more anxious. He only then noticed how warm Hugo was.</p><p> “Hue?”</p><p> “Hmm?”</p><p> “Let me feel your forehead.”</p><p> “Forehead kink much?”</p><p> “Hugo.”</p><p> “Okay, okay!” Hugo pushed his hair back. Five’s hands pressed against Hugo’s forehead. “You’re cold Five...”</p><p> “And you are burning up.”</p><p> “You know this is normal right? For me to be warm?” Hugo asked Five. “But it’s so colddddd.”</p><p> “I’m getting mom to take your temperature.”</p><p> “Bin, I’m fine!”</p><p> “Not until I say so.” Five got up, but Hugo pulled him back down.</p><p> “Stay. Stay with me at least until tomorrow morning.”</p><p> “Jeez, you’re really sick, Hugo. You’re being clingy.”</p><p> “Shush.” Hugo cuddled closer to Five, burying his face into Five’s neck.</p><p> The next morning, Hugo turned out to have a fever. Five, ever so irritable due to his best friend (and maybe crush just a little bit) being sick, sat with a very upset mood at the breakfast table. Hugo wasn’t there, so he decided to play his chances. He picked up the knife and stabbed it into the table.</p><p> “Number Five.”</p><p> “I have a question.”</p><p> Hugo wouldn’t have it when he heard about the incident from Ben. “Of course he would! That stupid stubborn son of a biscuit!” (Grace was in the room at the time.) Hugo began to write calculations, and wouldn’t stop. He faked being sick for a good year before he came up with a formula that would take him to Five. After building the contraption within a month, he wrote his goodbyes to his siblings, packed a few small things, and left.</p><p> He clicked once. Once was one year into the future. He looked around nervously, then clicked again. Then again. It took him eighteen clicks to find Five, and something much worse.</p><p> “Robin, what is this?” Hugo asked.</p><p> “Hugo???!!!” Five exclaimed, going to hug him. That was all Hugo needed to know what was going on.</p><p> “Are you okay?” Hugo asked, quickly assessing the situation. Five shook his head.</p><p> “I don’t know how to get back,” he said very quietly.</p><p> Hugo’s brow furrowed in worry. “I guess I don’t either.”</p><p> “You’re taller.”</p><p> “It took me a year to get here.”</p><p> Five nodded. “I’ve tried to figure out how to go back but I can’t figure it out.” His hands balled up as the blue aura floated around them, but it seemed to not be working out.</p><p> “I’ll try to help.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I apologize about my weird update schedule. I’ll try to make it less hectic but I can’t guarantee anything.<br/>Also, I’m so sorry for the weird storyline- I might just rename it into something else.<br/>Thank you so much for reading!<br/>🙇🏻🙇🏻🙇🏻</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Number Eight, Assassin</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Because the Commission loves to ruin everything, they stole Hugo to be an assassin on the duo’s birthday.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I’m sorry it’s so angsty TT Once they get paired back up again things will get better!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><strong>Apocalypse,</strong> <strong>October</strong><strong> 2020</strong></p><p> Hugo looked around. It was their first birthday spent in the apocalypse. His equations were sprawled across their shelter. Five had woken up earlier and went out to look for some food. Hugo immediately went to work, pen writing tiny numbers across the pages.</p><p> “You’re awake,” Five said, walking in. Hugo looked at Five, who had scrounged around and found a sizable amount of food. “This should work for the week.” Hugo nodded as Five came over to sit next to him, looking at his equations. “Do you need help?” Hugo shook his head, longer golden hair shaking around with it.</p><p> “I need to figure out what was in my meds. I know they were to calm anxiety, but I don’t know how to make them,” Hugo muttered after a while.</p><p> Five looked at him. “You should let me take over for the equations while you try to figure out a solution to your meds.”</p><p> Hugo laid on Five. “Don’t mess up,” he teased.</p><p> “I won’t, I promise,” Five said softly. They looked at each other in silence for a moment. Hugo lifted his head to kiss Five, and Five kissed back gently.</p><p> “Happy birthday Robin,” Hugo murmured, pulling away.</p><p> “Happy birthday Hugo,” Five murmured back. They went back to work.</p><p> When the day was over, Five fell asleep. Hugo went outside briefly to stretch.</p><p> “Ah, Eight,” a woman said. Hugo flipped around, taking out a knife that he had found.</p><p> “Who are you and what do you want?” he hissed.</p><p> “Number Eight, you are coming with us. The Commission needs you to work for us. With you’re skill, you’ll be great!” She smiled at Hugo, and he scowled further.</p><p> “What do I get in return? What are you going to do with Five?” he whisper-shouted.</p><p> “He’ll get a job at the Commission too. One day, I’ll even partner you up with him,” the woman said.</p><p> “Who are you?” Hugo asked.</p><p> “The Handler, sweetie,” she said. Hugo nodded.</p><p> “The main things I would need if I went in are proper meals and my anxiety meds,” he said. “I doubt you want me to have anxiety on missions.”</p><p> “Everything will be taken care of, Hugo. Just come with us,” the Handler said.</p><p> Hugo bit his lip, thinking. “One second.” He slowed down time, going to the shelter. He grabbed his meds, wrote a note for Five, and kissed him before going back outside. “I’m ready to go,” he says, looking up at her.</p><p> She nodded, and they went to the Commission.</p><p> <em>Hey Robbie,</em></p><p>
  <em> I promise I’ll be back. We’ll be together again one day.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> Love,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>  Hugo</em>
</p><p> Five looked at the note, frowning. He felt a little bit upset with whomever took him- he knew someone took him because Hugo doesn’t just leave in the middle of the night. “Please come back soon,” he murmured. His life became harder as he worked himself, trying to find the answers to the problems. He spent 45 years waiting for Hugo to come back.</p><p> Hugo’s new life was hectic. He was a good assassin, almost too good, as every day brought a new assignment. He would pray every day to see Five for the first ten years or so. He was only fifteen when he left, after all. His anxiety was somehow cured over the 40 years that he was at the Commission, although it would pop up when he thought back to his training.</p><p> He worked hard, having a 100% kill accuracy. No one would’ve suspected it was him, no one would know unless they knew his signature kill. Rumors among the timeline were that he was a long family Mafia or organized crime group.</p><p> His last assignment had him pilot a plane and drop a nuke, which he carried out successfully. That’s when the Handler told him Five was going to be his partner.</p><p> “Five? As in my brother?”</p><p> “There are no other Fives in the timeline.”</p><p> Hugo packed up some of his things to go meet him.</p><p> <strong>Dallas, Texas, 1963</strong></p><p> “Hugo?” Hugo whipped around to see the now old man.</p><p> “Robin?” He asked, his heart clenching as his faded gold eyes looked at him.</p><p> Five looked at him, his face softening. His mouth opened but nothing came out.</p><p> “I told you we’d be together again,” Hugo said. Five looked away, slightly upset. “I know it took me forever but better late than never.” Five shifted in discomfort, becoming more upset because Hugo knew why he was upset.</p><p> “We need to go get ourselves set up for the mission,” Five said. Hugo nodded.</p><p> “I could use some sleep too,” he said. They headed to the hotel, and Hugo crashed for the night. After making sure he was asleep, Five crawled into the bed and cuddled him, looking into Hugo’s dream world.</p><p> It was one of the scarier dreams, pitch black and crazy noises. A fire started not too far away from the duo, and Five felt Hugo’s fear. Strangely enough, Hugo ran further away from the fire rather than to it. Five followed his footsteps, as the dream got colder and colder.</p><p> “Hue,” Five called. Hugo’s dream suddenly shifted. An asylum, it looked like. Five could see Hugo’s pupils dilate in fear. Hugo’s dream started changing realms faster and faster as his breath froze.</p><p> “Hugo!” Five called, this time more determined. Hugo looked around.</p><p> “Robin?!” Hugo called, panicking.</p><p> Five touched him. Hugo woke up in real life, as Five opened his eyes.</p><p> “What’s been going on, Hue? You had a nightmare.”</p><p> “No I didn’t,” Hugo said. “I haven’t had them for years.” Hugo looked into Five’s eyes. “I’m going back to bed, I’m exhausted.” Hugo crawled under the covers again, sleeping. Five followed suit.</p><p> The next morning, Hugo had woken up bright and early, making two cups of coffee. Five woke up shortly after.</p><p> “I can’t believe you woke up early for once,” Five said.</p><p> “Good morning, Robin,” Hugo said.</p><p> “I hate my name, you know that?” Five asked Hugo. Hugo turned around, passing Five his coffee and smiling.</p><p> “Drink your coffee you grouch,” Hugo said playfully. Five muttered something about Hugo being crazy and Hugo smiled brighter.</p><p> “You’ve got everything?” Five asked. Hugo nodded.</p><p> “Yeah.” Hugo checked his watch. “It’s 7:00 now, do you mind walking to our destination?”</p><p> “Not at all.” Five sipped more of his coffee. Hugo thought about how weird this felt, being semi normal. “You ready, Hue?” Hugo nodded. “Let’s go.”</p><p> They checked out and walked around. “Five.”</p><p> “Yeah?”</p><p> “Doesn’t this feel wrong?”</p><p> “What part about it?” Five pointed to a bar, and Hugo nodded.</p><p> “Apocalypse, assassination, the whole shenanigans involving those two?” They both ordered beers. “I don’t know, 40 years of service must have messed with my head.”</p><p> “40 years?!?!” Five looked at Hugo. Hugo nodded. Five analyzed Hugo’s features; he had aged well, but Five would never let anyone know he thought so.</p><p> “But seriously, of all the missions they could’ve chosen for us,” Hugo continued, “we need to assassinate <em>him</em>?”</p><p> Five thought for a moment. Killing JFK did not appeal to him, but if they didn’t do it, who would? “Hugo, it’s our job.”</p><p> Hugo looked at him. “We should run away,” he whispered, holding Five’s hand.</p><p> Five pulled out the equations. “Here.” Five scanned Hugo’s face as the latter ran over them. “I told you I didn’t want to go anywhere without you.” Hugo hid a smirk, passing back the equations and pointing.</p><p> “This isn’t right,” Hugo said, starting to drink his beer. “The equations after this point.”</p><p> “I went through them multiple times, Hugo,” Five said stubbornly.</p><p> “Alright, don’t listen to me then,” Hugo said. He finished his drink. Five looked at his “friend”, who was drumming his fingers on the table and humming quietly.</p><p> “Do you want the rest of my drink?” Five asked.</p><p> “Wouldn’t mind if I do,” Hugo said, chugging it. Five winced at how barbaric Hugo could be, but couldn’t help but notice how Hugo’s Adam’s apple bobbed quickly. “Ready, Five?” Hugo asked, dropping the cup down.</p><p> Five nodded, and they walked over to the parade grounds. Hugo set up quickly as Five stayed on look out.</p><p> “Five, we should go, after this?” Hugo said nonchalantly. Five nodded, taking the gun from Hugo. Hugo watched Five intently, eyes tracing over the concentrated man. As JFK passed by, Five lowered his weapon. “Five?”</p><p> “We need to go,” Five said. He grabbed Hugo’s hand as soon as chaos erupted and they traveled. A fire extinguisher hit Hugo’s head, which caused him to wince, but they rolled onto the floor in front of their home sweet home, almost successfully.</p><p> “Five? Hugo?”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Ah, Home Sweet Home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The duo came back and are trying to reorient themselves.<br/>Fact 1: Hugo introduced Five to coffee and alcohol~</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>“Ugh, a puberty re-run?”</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> Hugo looked at Five. “You look cute.” Five looked at himself, and scowled. “You can’t be mad, I told you so!” Hugo walked back as Five went to tackle him. Hugo laughed insanely as Five pinned him down and twisted his arm a little.</p><p> “Eight? Five?” A voice called. Five and Hugo looked up.</p><p> Hugo opened his mouth, about to say something, but choked on his words. He slowly smiled. “Five, let me see the others,” he said softly. Five picked him up from the ground, looking at Hugo to make sure he would be okay. "Guys!" Hugo ran to them, hugging them.</p><p> "Hugo, Five,” Vanya said softly. “You’re home.”</p><p>
  <span class="u">The group chat, ig</span>
</p><p>Spookboi: So this is where the two of them ran off to?</p><p>Five: You don’t know that</p><p> “What’s the date?” Hugo asked.</p><p> Luther opened his mouth to say something when Five added, “The exact date, we mean,” earning himself a look from Luther.</p><p> “The 24th.” Five and Hugo grabbed what they needed to make their fluffernutter sandwiches.</p><p> “Of what?” Five asked, a little bit irritated with the answer. Hugo started making their sandwiches as Five looked at the others with a serious face.</p><p> “March.” Five and Hugo looked at each other, communicating through their eyes.</p><p> “Good,” Five said. Hugo nodded.</p><p> Luther, disturbed by the duo’s lack of outer communication, spoke up, “So, are we going to talk about what just happened?” He rose from his seat, antsy. Hugo gave him a look. “It’s been seventeen years.” Hugo groaned in annoyance.</p><p> “It’s been a lot longer than that,” Five said, spatial jumping to reach a top shelf. Hugo nodded.</p><p> “I haven’t missed that.” Hugo snorted at the massive man’s comment, smirking <strike>like a</strike> because he’s a little shit.</p><p> “Where’d you go?” Diego asked.</p><p> “The future,” Five replied, blinking back to Hugo’s side.</p><p> “It’s shit by the way,” Hugo added.</p><p> “Called it!” Klaus yelled out, raising his hand. Hugo smiled over his brother’s excitement.</p><p> “I should’ve listened to the old man, jumping through space is one thing but jumping through time is another.” Hugo looked at Five in annoyance, as he had warned Five as well. Five looked away towards his siblings. “Nice dress.”</p><p> “Oh, well, danke!” Klaus replied.</p><p> “How did you get back?” Allison questioned.</p><p> “In the end I had to project our consciousness’ forward into a suspended quantum state version of ourselves that exists across every possible instance of time.”</p><p> “That makes no sense,” Diego muttered.</p><p> “Well, it would if you were smarter,” Hugo said. Luther held him back as Hugo and Five high-fived.</p><p> “How long were you two there?” The duo looked at each other again.</p><p> “Forty years,” Hugo said.</p><p> “Forty five,” Five said. “Give or take.”</p><p> “So what are you saying? You’re fifty four and fifty eight? Then-” Luther started.</p><p> “Yes,” Hugo interrupted, pointing to their ages’ respective owners. “And no. Our consciousness’ are now fifty four and fifty eight, but our bodies are now thirteen again. Somehow.” He muttered the last part, still a bit annoyed with Five’s mess up.</p><p> “How does that even work?” Vanya asked.</p><p> “Hugo and Delores told me the equations were off, of course I didn’t listen to them because I had done them multiple times over,” Five said sourly.</p><p> “Delores?” The others asked.</p><p> Hugo looked at Five, who gave him a quick look to settle down his worries over his position in his life. “Well, sorry for not being there for the past forty years,” Hugo muttered, noticing a newspaper. He picked it up. “I guess we missed the funeral.”</p><p> “How’d you know about that?” Luther asked. Hugo gave a look to Luther.</p><p> “What part of the future do you not understand?” Five looked over Hugo’s shoulder. “Heart failure, huh?”</p><p> “Yes.”</p><p> “No.”</p><p> “Hmm,” Hugo hummed, in thought, then clicked his tongue, looking at Five.</p><p> “Nice to see nothing’s changed,” Five stated.</p><p> “Uh, that’s it? That’s all you have to say?”</p><p> “What else is there to say? Circle of life.” Five and Hugo finished off their food, walking out.</p><p> Hugo looked at Five, glancing to the direction of their room. Five nodded, and they blinked there.</p><p> “Ah, home sweet home!” Five said sarcastically.</p><p> “Can’t believe we still are able to communicate like that and the others are in the dark about what we mean,” Hugo said, smirking.</p><p> “Considering we have a better understanding of the world, I don’t,” Five countered, but smiled at Hugo. Hugo stripped out of his old clothes before Five closed the door, and Five ran to close the door in panic. “Jeez, Hue, don’t just strip out of nowhere!”</p><p> Hugo gave out a laugh, and headed to their closet. They’ve always been around the same height, so they shared their clothes. “Catch, Fivey!” Hugo called, throwing one of their uniforms to him. Five caught them, glaring at Hugo who was wearing a shit-eating grin.</p><p> “No cute nicknames either, Hugo,” Five mumbled in embarrassment, starting to change out of his clothes.</p><p> “I do it because I love you,” Hugo mocked.</p><p> “Love you too. No homo,” Five said, teasingly. They looked at each other for a moment, communicating through their eyes, until Hugo tackled Five onto the bed in fake anger and pinned Five down. They tumbled around on their bed for a bit, wrestling, until Hugo hit his head on the headboard due to Five pushing his head back.</p><p> “Fiiiiiivveeeee,” he whined. “That huuuurrt.”</p><p> “Crybaby,” Five said, getting up and continuing to change. Hugo looked at Five in admiration. “Stop being a pervert and go change, Hue,” Five stated, blushing.</p><p> “Only for youuuuu,” Hugo said jokingly, getting another one of their uniforms out of the closet and changing into it. He heard the camera shutter of Five’s phone, and whipped around. Five was smiling.</p><p> “Go on, go on,” he said, smiling. Hugo gave him a look of warning, then turned back around to change.</p><p><span class="u">The group chat,</span> ig</p><p><em>Five sent 2</em> <em>photos </em></p><p>Spookboi: Holy- not this shit again!</p><p>Number One: That was unasked for</p><p>Queen: We did not need to see that, Five</p><p>Vanya: Did Hugo really have abs back then?!?!?! </p><p>Five: Yes, he did.</p><p>Hugo: Five istg</p><p>Hugo: No.</p><p> The duo headed back downstairs, heading to the living room. Hugo looked at portrait of the two of them above the fireplace, nudging Five. Five looked at the portrait versions of them. Hugo, who had a permanent smile, had his arms around Five, who was sitting on the chair, looking calm and content. Their eyes looked cold- almost colorless eyes stared back at the duo.</p><p> “Nice to know dad didn’t forget us,” Five muttered under his breath. Hugo nodded. He slowly enlaced his fingers into Five’s.</p><p> “I feel like it’s mocking us,” Hugo said. “I never was that warm in front of others and your eyes never looked like that. You’ve never looked calm, you always have to do something.” Five faced Hugo, opening his mouth to say something (likely to argue with Hugo because those two never stop), before noticing Vanya.</p><p> “Read your book by the way,” Five said to her, turning to face her. Hugo nodded, recalling that day. The duo were both too tired to figure out equations (or maybe they just wanted to spend time alone properly) and they found her book. “Found it in a library that was still standing.” He fiddled with their hands, tracing the veins on Hugo’s skin. “I thought it was pretty good, all things considered.” He looked back up at Vanya. “Yeah, definitely ballsy, giving up the family secrets. Sure that went over well.” Hugo swallowed, nervous that Five would cross the line.</p><p> “They hate me,” was all Vanya said. Hugo looked up.</p><p> “Oh, there are worse things that can happen,” Hugo said, recalling all his memories from working at the Commission. “And Vanya, we are not them. Don’t worry your little head off about it.” Hugo smiled, and Five’s index finger went back to tracing Hugo’s veins.</p><p> “You mean like what happened to Ben?” Vanya asked.</p><p> “Was it bad?” Five asked. The duo watched as Vanya nodded. Hugo sighed, feeling his chest sink. Vanya glanced at Hugo.</p><p> “Are you alright?” She asked.</p><p> “Yeah, yeah,” Hugo said, breathing, “I just need a little bit to process it.”</p><p> “Oh,” she said, walking away.</p><p> “Hue,” Five muttered, “we’ve known something had happened, right? It was going to happen.”</p><p> “Could we have saved him?” Hugo asked. Five looked at Hugo, who was frowning into space. “I mean, we shared a room when we were little and we were brothers in this family but-“</p><p> “Hugo,” Five looked at him in worry. Hugo looked back at Five. “It happened already. We can only focus on saving the siblings we have now.” Hugo nodded.</p><p> “I want to see him.” Five nodded. The duo walked out and found Ben’s memorial easily. Hugo touched the plate of the grave. “He must’ve died a violent death. I hope it was quick. I never wanted him to suffer.”</p><p> “Ben can do no wrong in your eyes, Hugo,” Five said gently, placing a hand on Hugo’s shoulder. Hugo nodded, standing up and turning to Five.</p><p> “I can’t help but feel that it was my fault,” Hugo muttered. “The universe must really hate me, scaring me nearly to death.”</p><p> They heard the thunder and the door open. Hugo stepped away from Five as not to embarrass the latter, and watched their “family” walk out. Klaus passed the duo an umbrella, and Five held it over their heads, a finger wrapped around Hugo’s pinky.</p><p> “Did something happen?” Grace asked them.</p><p> “Dad died. Remember?” Allison gently reminded her.</p><p> “Oh. Yes, of course.” Grace faced back to her normal position.</p><p> Hugo pulled closer to Five, holding Five’s hand and putting their hands close to his chest. Five’s hand squeezed Hugo’s, and Hugo squeezed back.</p><p> “Whenever you’re ready, dear boy,” Pogo said, taking his place among the family.</p><p> “Probably would’ve been better with some wind,” one of their siblings murmured.</p><p> “Does anyone wish to speak?” Pogo asked. Everyone stayed silent. “Very well,” Pogo continued. “In all regards, Sir Reginald Hargreeves made me what I am today. For that alone, I shall forever be in his debt. He was my master and my friend, and I shall miss him very much.” Hugo looked at the ground, remembering how much their father hated him and Five. Five squeezed his hand again, and Hugo was pulled back into reality. “He leaves behind a complicated legacy-“</p><p> “He was a monster.” Hugo realized that it was Diego who had spoken. He was surprised, as Diego had gotten around the least amount of crap from their dad as children. Hugo tried to hold in himself, as he didn’t want to be reminded of the horrors. “He was a bad person and a worse father. The world’s better off without him.” Hugo’s hand tightened around Five’s.</p><p> “Diego,” Five said as a warning.</p><p> “My name is Number Two. You know why? Because our father couldn’t be bothered to give us actual names. He had mom do it,” he continued. “Hugo didn’t even get his name until we were six because our father hid him away from mom.”</p><p> Hugo faced Five, looking at their hands. Five looked at Hugo in worry, knowing that their father didn’t hide Hugo, he was training Hugo heavily, which brought up a different set of issues.</p><p> “Would anyone like something to eat?” Grace asked.</p><p> “No, it’s okay, Mom,” Vanya said.</p><p> “Oh, okay,” Grace said, forcing a smile.</p><p> “Look, you wanna pay your respects?” Diego said, furthering into his tirade. “Go ahead. But at least be honest about what kind of man he was.”</p><p> “You should stop talking now,” Hugo said.</p><p> “You know, you of all people should be on my side, Number Eight.” Hugo’s whimpered.</p><p> “I am warning you,” Luther told Diego.</p><p> “After everything he did to you?” Diego shouted at Luther and Hugo. Hugo whimpered more, holding Five’s hand close to his face and hugging his arm. Their voices raised more, and Hugo released Five’s hand in favor of blocking his ears. Five’s hand touched Hugo’s arm.</p><p> Even through his hands, Hugo heard the statue fall. “NO!” He cried out, slowing down time, but nothing could be done when he turned around and saw it falling. He released time hopelessly, upset. “Well, you both have just about done it,” Hugo yelled at his brothers. “I can’t believe I came back for this,” he complained.</p><p> Hugo and Five walked back inside, and Five blinked him to their room, hugging him.</p><p> “You okay?” he asked. Hugo looked up. Five could tell things were building inside of him.</p><p> “Yeah, yeah, it’s just a tough day,” Hugo said. “Traveling back, realizing that Ben died terribly, dad’s funeral all in the same day.” Five nodded. Hugo hugged back, pulling back shortly. “Thanks.”</p><p>
  <strong>Home, 2002</strong>
</p><p> Five and Hugo exchanged glances at each other, smiling.</p><p> “I’m gonna beat you,” Hugo said.</p><p> “Not if I beat you first,” Five countered.</p><p> “Nietzsche once said,” Reginald started.</p><p> “Man is as a rope stretched between the animal and super human.” Hugo murmured along with Reginald. “A rope over an abyss. It is a dangerous crossing, a dangerous looking-back, a dangerous trembling and halting.”</p><p> As soon as Hugo heard the whistle blow, he slowed down time to as slow as possible and ran as fast and hard as he could. He made it to the top of the stairs extremely fast, and unfroze time. Five blinked next to Hugo.</p><p> “Looks like I beat you,” Hugo stated.</p><p> “Haha,” Five said.</p><p> “That’s not fair, Five and Eight cheated!” Diego whined.</p><p> “They adapted.” Reginald said, looking over Hugo.</p><p> Getting their tattoos, Hugo was the first to get his. He squirmed throughout the whole thing, having a panic attack midway, they had to restrain him. Five was one of them who restrained him, and he muttered to Hugo to calm him down the whole time, holding his hand and arm down on the chair.</p><p> When Five, who had gone right after Hugo, came back to Hugo after getting his tattoo, Hugo whispered into his ear. “Do you mean it?”</p><p> “Mean what?” Five muttered back.</p><p> “You love me?”</p><p> “Yeah.” Hugo looked at Five’s tattoo on his arm.</p><p> “Well,” Hugo breathed, holding Five’s hand, “I love you too. Idiot.”</p><p> “Asshole.”</p><p>
  <strong>Present Day </strong>
</p><p> Hugo watched in amusement as Five searched for coffee, Five becoming more irritated when he didn’t find any. “Ah, we’ve come a long way, huh, Five?”</p><p> “Shush Hugo, I need to find it so I can think properly.”</p><p> “Remember when you absolutely refused to have coffee until I took you out that one night?” Hugo mused.</p><p> “I remember it like it were yesterday, now let me search in peace.” Hugo smiled, knowing Five was stubborn. As they finally had made it full circle, Five seemed very frustrated.</p><p> “There’s always Griddy’s,” Hugo muttered into Five’s ear. Five nodded. Hugo looked up, and found Klaus. “Where’s Vanya?”</p><p> “Oh, she’s gone,” Klaus said, strumming at an old electric guitar sadly. Allison walked into the room, and situated herself.</p><p> “That’s unfortunate,” Hugo said.</p><p> “Yeah,” Allison replied.</p><p> “An entire square block. Forty-two bedrooms, nineteen bathrooms, but no, not a single drop of coffee,” Five complained. Hugo rubbed his back, knowing how agitated he was after the events of the day.</p><p> “Dad hated caffeine,” Allison noted.</p><p> “Well, he hated children, too, and he had plenty of us,” Klaus chuckled at his own joke.</p><p> “We’re taking the car,” Hugo said nonchalantly.</p><p> “Where are you both going?” Klaus asked before he gave an, “Ooooh,” as Five said, “to get a decent cup of coffee.”</p><p> Five and Hugo stared at Klaus. “No Klaus.”</p><p> “Do you even know how to drive?” Allison asked.</p><p> “I know how to do everything,” Hugo said.</p><p> “I don’t doubt it, I meant Five.”</p><p> Hugo spoke for Five before Five could say anything, “Of course he does. He is motherfucking Number Five Hargreeves.” Hugo pushed Five out to the car, knowing that Five was in a bad mood.</p><p> “I’m driving.”</p><p> “Nope.” Hugo walked to the driver’s seat, getting in. “If there’s traffic, you’re gonna end up causing a mass murder. As much as I like seeing you bloody, no.”</p><p> Five groaned, also getting in. He couldn’t argue with that. “Why are you always right?”</p><p> “They don’t call me The Genius for nothing.”</p><p> “There’s no reason to call me The Boy, though.”</p><p> “You act like one sometimes.”</p><p> Five crossed his arms. “Fine.”</p><p> “Seatbelt.”</p><p> “Fine.”</p><p> “I love you,” Hugo teased, leaning over to Five.</p><p> “Sure. Love you too,” he said under his breath, looking away.</p><p> Hugo drove to Griddy’s as fast as possible. He parked, and Five was about to get out when Hugo asked, “Who is Delores?”</p><p> “A friend.”</p><p> “Oh.”</p><p> “Not in that way, Hue, I could never. She’s my best friend. You’ll meet her soon enough.”</p><p> Hugo’s eyes brightened up, and he got out of the car. They walked into Griddy’s together. “I’m excited.”</p><p> “For?”</p><p> “Everything.”</p><p> “Even the apocalypse?”</p><p> Hugo frowned, faking sadness. “Wow Five, thanks for ruining my mood.”</p><p> “My pleasure,” Five said sarcastically, grabbing a seat. Hugo sat next to him, hiding a smirk by biting his lips.</p><p> The waitress was trying to fix something, and Hugo watched as Five sighed, obviously frustrated with how the day was turning out. Five played with his hair, antsy, and Hugo held his other hand.</p><p> The waitress finally turned around, sighing. “Sorry, sink was clogged.” She laughed it off, and Hugo felt bad for her, knowing Five would be snappy towards her. “So, what’ll it be?”</p><p> “Uh, give me a chocolate eclair,” the man next to the duo told her.</p><p> “Mm-hmm. Sure.” The waitress jotted it down as she looked back at him. “Can I get the kids milk or something?”</p><p> “The kids want coffee,” Five said, forcefully smiling, “black.”</p><p> “And one donut please,” Hugo said, smiling, “Berliner!”</p><p> “Cute kids,” she told the man, chuckling. Silence passed for a moment as Five’s forced smile came back down into a scowl and Hugo gave a look at him.</p><p> Five sighed, “Don’t remember this place being such a shithole.” The man’s eyes widened. Hugo gave Five a look before turning to the man.</p><p> Hugo tried to smile politely as he explained, “We used to come here as kids.”</p><p> “Used to sneak out with our brothers and sisters and eat donuts until we puked. Simpler times, huh?” Five looked towards the man.</p><p> “Eh.” The man looked away, probably wondering why the duo was talking about their childhood. “I suppose.”</p><p> The waitress came back, clearing her throat and setting down the coffee and sweets. “Here.”</p><p> “Thank you,” Hugo said from habit.</p><p> “I’ve got theirs,” the man said, passing a note to the waitress.</p><p> “Thanks,” Five said, grabbing his coffee. He checked the label on the man’s uniform before saying, “You must know your way around the city.”</p><p> “I’d hope so. I’ve been driving it for 20 years,” he replied.</p><p> “Good. I need an address.” Hugo took a sip from his coffee, and swallowed it down forcefully, immediately taking a bite of his donut.</p><p> “I’m gonna buy coffee on the way home, okay?” Hugo whispered in Five’s ear. Five nodded, and continued talking to the man, as Hugo finished off his donut. The man left, and Hugo looked out the door. Flipping his head around, he murmured, “It looks like we have a new assignment.” Five glanced at Hugo, who choked down his coffee. “Our time as partners in the Commission was too short for their liking, huh?” Five sipped from his coffee.</p><p> “Hmm,” he acknowledged. “That was fast. I thought we’d have more time before they found us.”</p><p> Hugo knew the drones were coming in. He took a glance out of the side of his eye to see a gun pointed at his partner’s head. “Okay,” the man said, as Hugo leaned into the gun pointed at his. “So let’s be professional about this, yeah?” Hugo was amused inside about this, and he knew Five was too. “On your feet and come with us. They want to talk.”</p><p> “We’ve got nothing to say,” Five said in a <em>seriously?</em> kind of tone.</p><p> “It doesn’t have to go this way,” the Commission drone said, and Hugo could tell he was scared. Obviously he didn’t know who he was dealing with, or he must’ve not believed the higher ups when they told him the duo had 100% kill rates. “You think I want to shoot a kid? Go home with that on my conscious?” He obviously didn’t believe the higher ups. His loss.</p><p> Hugo watched as Five’s hands fidgeted, knowing he was antsy to hurt something. “Well, I wouldn’t worry about that.” Hugo watched Five from the corner of his eye. “You won’t be going home.” That was Hugo’s cue to go. In a split second of communication, Five watched Hugo’s eyes as Hugo looked towards one side of the diner, and they stabbed the drones who were holding them at gunpoint. Five blinked as Hugo dodged, slowing down time, and running towards the drone furthest away from the side of the diner that Five was at. Hugo grabbed the guy’s knife and slit his throat, as Five called, “Hey assholes!” Five blinked back over to Hugo, and they communicated with their eyes again. Hugo sent one of the guys into his dream realm, murdering him with a demon, and watched, amused, as Five distracted them. Hugo gunned down another guy and slipped away just barely as Five stabbed someone in the stomach. Hugo shot a gun, providing cover for his partner, who was busy choking another person. Hugo and Five regrouped, and Hugo stabbed a guy in the stomach before he could do anything. “You’re enjoying this too much,” Five said, smiling at Hugo, who was grinning ear to ear. Five threw a plate at a guy behind Hugo before he could do anything, and Hugo stabbed the guy behind Five in the eye. Hugo and Five noticed as two guys went over to try and kill them, and Hugo slowed down time, moving between them, and sped time up again, giving one of the guys a smirk and a mock salute as Five ran to him and blinked them out. Five blinked back into normal time, getting his tie as Hugo walked over to a guy who was barely alive and snapped his neck. Five picked up the tracking device. “Well, Hugo, we know how the fuckers did it,” he said, showing it to Hugo. Hugo nodded.</p><p> “Come here, roll up your sleeve,” Hugo instructed. Five nodded as Hugo rolled up his sleeve and cut into his arm. Five watched as Hugo, wincing in pain, took out the tracker, smiling. “Ah, my old friend.”</p><p> “How did you-“</p><p> “I invented them,” Hugo muttered. Five nodded, already cutting into his arm and trying to take out his. “Release your fist, it’ll be less difficult.” Five glared at him but tried it anyways. It worked, and Five smiled at Hugo. “What did I tell you Mr. Five Hargreeves?”</p><p> “Let’s go,” Five said, smirking with his partner as they walked out. Five dropped the trackers in the nearby drain.</p><p> “Let’s hit up Vanya’s, Five. Might as well pay our sister a visit and tell her about our adventures,” Hugo said.</p><p> “Nice job back there, Hugo,” Five noted.</p><p> “Not too bad yourself, Five,” Hugo said. “Would expect no less from you.”</p><p> “What’s with you and faking high expectations?”</p><p> “What’s with you and faking that you hate it?”</p><p> “Fair point.”</p><p>
  <span class="u">The group chat, ig </span>
</p><p>Spookboi: Wait, where exactly did Five and Hugo go?</p><p>Queen: I’d rather not think about what they could be doing.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Bleh my friends said I look like Aidan Gallagher’s boyfriend/number 1 fan. They aren’t wrong about the being a fan part but- like- Aidan isn’t gay- and I don’t know everything about him- so-<br/>ANYWAYS, sorry it’s so long! I guess I just can’t get enough of these two.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. “Rapists can climb”</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The duo pay a visit to Vanya’s and try to figure out about the eye.<br/>Fact 2: Hugo and Five named Five’s ability to travel through space blinking because that’s what it is, a movement at the blink of an eye.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I didn’t know what to call this chapter lmao also I lost all of the writing midway through aka the thing deleted itself three times (fuck manual save) so it took me a while TT Also I’m going to be sticking to a lot of the Netflix adaptation except they’re going to have the Netflix abilities and the comics abilities. Some NSFW because Klaus knows that the duo are horny hahaha</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> The ride to Vanya’s was mainly quiet. Hugo was driving, and by the way that Hugo was being quiet, Five knew he was tired. Five always found it surprising how Hugo could go from adrenaline rushed and confident into a quiet, soft mess, usually topped with cuddles.</p><p> “We’re here,” Hugo yawned when he finished parking. Five watched him carefully as they walked up the stairs in the apartment complex, hands held. Hugo’s feet were heavy, and he groaned a little when he tripped. When they arrived at Vanya’s door, Hugo pulled out two picks, getting on his knees to work on the lock. Five stayed quiet until the lock opened into the apartment.</p><p> “I could’ve just blinked us in, Hue,” Five said, kissing the top of Hugo’s head. Hugo shook his head.</p><p> “You need to conserve energy, you’re the stronger of the two of us,” Hugo stated, stumbling in. Five turned on the lights, closing and locking the door behind them.</p><p> “We both know that’s not true,” Five argued. Hugo turned around, opening his mouth to argue, but yawned and frowned, forgetting what he was gonna say.</p><p> “Stitches,” he mumbled, going to look for a first aid kit before Five stopped him.</p><p> “I’ll look for it,” Five said. Hugo crashed on the couch. Five found it and walked over to Hugo, taking off Hugo’s sweater and blazer, along with his own blazer. Hugo had always had a sweater on over his vest under his blazer, as he always felt cold. Five cleaned up Hugo’s arm, preparing to stitch him up. Hugo groaned in his sleep over the pain of his arm. “Hush, baby, it’ll only be a little while,” Five muttered to Hugo, mainly to just say something to Hugo. He started stitching Hugo up, ignoring the pain in his arm. Hugo shifted slightly halfway through, catching Five by surprise and causing Five to drop the tools. “Dammit Hugo,” Five said in slight frustration. He continued to stitch Hugo up, and not too long after, he finished, and pulled Hugo’s sweater back over his head. Five prepped his own arm for stitches when he heard Hugo’s rustling.</p><p> “Five,” Hugo said softly. “Let me.”</p><p> “Awake already?” Five said, running his hand through Hugo’s hair. Hugo nodded, pulling Five’s arm over so he could stitch it up. Hugo, as usual, worked quickly and efficiently, stitches crossing on Five’s skin beautifully. Five stayed still for Hugo, until Hugo finished, put the first aid kit away, and looked up at Five.</p><p> “Are you proud of me?” Hugo asked, smiling weakly.</p><p> “Always,” Five said, his face stoic despite his heart fluttering about Hugo. Hugo looked at Five softly, pure, unadulterated love filling his heart. He kissed Five softly, leaning all of his body weight into Five so Five would be laying down, and Five kissed back, arms around Hugo. Hugo broke away first, cuddling into Five.</p><p> “I’m cold,” Hugo said, snuggling into Five’s warmth.</p><p> “I blame Dad,” Five said, referencing their uniforms. Hugo chuckled into Five’s neck softly, and Five hugged him closer.</p><p> “We could blame Dad for everything,” Hugo stated, smiling. Silence passed, and the two spent it enjoying each other’s warmth and comfort. “I love you so much, Five.”</p><p> “I love you more, Hugo,” Five said, playfully.</p><p> “You probably do, to be able to put up with my bullshit every day.”</p><p> “Something I missed when you left.”</p><p> Hugo got up on his elbow, admiring Five. Suddenly something shifted in Hugo, as his look changed and he leaned in to kiss Five before Five figured out what it was. Five kissed back by instinct when it hit him- Hugo was getting horny. Hugo’s hand snaked down to take off Five’s vest when Five’s hand stopped him. Hugo whimpered, pulling back and kissing Five on the neck, biting and licking. Five moaned slightly, Hugo smiling inside as he heard it.</p><p> “Hugo, the world is about to end in eight days,” Five said, trying to get reason into the man on top of him.</p><p> “Even more reason to do it,” Hugo murmured, going back to working on Five. Five pushed Hugo off gently.</p><p> “You’re too horny and tired to think right now. We can do it when you are able to think straight,” Five said. Hugo smirked, going back at Five.</p><p> “Just let me enjoy you for a little longer,” Hugo whispered into Five’s ear huskily. Five swallowed, but flipped Hugo over. Hugo smiled, teeth showing and eyes half-lidded. “Ah, or this is better,” he sighed happily. Five kissed along Hugo’s jaw, nipping, then kissed Hugo again, hungrily. Hugo moaned quite loudly. Five broke away.</p><p> “Shush, baby, Vanya is gonna be here any minute,” he said, sitting up.</p><p> “Pet names, huh, darling?” Hugo judged playfully, also sitting up. Five pushed Hugo’s face down. Hugo took Five’s hand, cuddling up to his arm. The locks clicked, and the boys turned around.</p><p> “Jesus!” Vanya exclaimed, flinching when she saw the duo. Hugo turned back around, smiling.</p><p> “You should have locks on your windows,” Five said.</p><p> “I live on the second floor,” Vanya said.</p><p> “Rapists can climb,” Hugo countered.</p><p> “You guys are so weird,” Vanya sighed. Hugo nodded. “Five, what is that on your arm?”</p><p> “It’s nothing,” Five said, covering his arm with Hugo’s arm.</p><p> “Why are you two here?” Vanya asked.</p><p> Five sighed, “we’ve decided you’re the only one we can trust.”</p><p> “Why me?” Vanya asked. The duo locked eyes, then nodded.</p><p> “Because you’re ordinary,” Five said.</p><p> “Because you’ll listen,” Hugo said at the same time. The duo exchanged glances, surprised at their first not-quite-perfect communication between each other, before Hugo smiled at Five. “It’s alright,” his smile said. Five blushed.</p><p> “Okay,” Vanya said. Hugo nodded at Five to go, taking his hand and rubbing his back. Five inhaled shakily.</p><p> “When I jumped forward and got stuck in the future,” Five asked, “do you know what I found?”</p><p> “No,” Vanya said innocently.</p><p> “Nothing,” Five said, not missing a beat. “Absolutely nothing. As far as I could tell, I was the last person alive, until Hugo jumped ahead in time too.”</p><p> “We never figured out what killed the human race,” Hugo continued, “but we did find something else. The date it happens. The world ends in eight days, and we have no idea how to stop it.”</p><p> Vanya rubbed her forehead. “I’ll put on a pot of coffee.”</p><p> Hugo leaned on Five’s shoulder, an arm around Five protectively, hand firmly holding Five’s. “And we have no idea how to stop it,” he repeated softly, voice cracking.</p><p> “We’ll figure out. We’re Five and Hugo, the strongest duo in the Commission,” Five comforted him. Hugo nodded, breathing shakily. Vanya came back, giving them their drinks and sitting down. “You remember the day I left?”</p><p> “Wouldn’t forget it. Ben told Hugo and Hugo didn’t react well to it. He was sick for the next year and some until he disappeared. Dad said he had died,” Vanya said.</p><p> “Well, now you know,” Five said. “I jumped ahead into the future. Found everyone dead, the world in ruins. I couldn’t go back.”</p><p> “It was surreal,” Hugo added on. “We survived on scraps. Canned food, cockroaches, anything we found.” Hugo chuckled. “Know that rumor that Twinkies have an endless shelf life?” Five smiled.</p><p> “Total bullshit,” the duo chimed in unison.</p><p> “I can’t even imagine,” Vanya said.</p><p> “You do what it takes to survive, or you die,” Five said. “So, we adapted. Whatever the world threw at us, we found a way to overcome it.” Vanya frowned, and Hugo hummed.</p><p> “Got anything stronger?” Hugo asked, holding his empty glass. Vanya nodded, taking their glasses. Hugo leaned his cheek on Five’s shoulder, and Five leaned his head on Hugo’s. Vanya walked back in, passing them back their drinks.</p><p> “You think we’re crazy,” Five said after a while, noticing Vanya’s frown.</p><p> Vanya shook her head. “No,” she stammered out, “It’s just- it’s a lot to take in.”</p><p> “Exactly what don’t you understand?” Five snapped.</p><p> “Why didn’t you just time travel back?” Vanya asked, and Hugo groaned in annoyance.</p><p> Five scoffed. “Gee, wish we had thought of that,” he said, snarky. “Time travel is a crapshoot. I went into the ice and never acorn-ed.”</p><p> “You think we didn’t try everything to get back to our family?” Hugo asked Vanya. Vanya thought for a moment.</p><p> “If you grew old there, you know, in the apocalypse,” Vanya asked, “how come you still look like a kid?”</p><p> Five scoffed again. “We already told you,” Five said, sighing, “I got the equations wrong.”</p><p> “I mean, Dad used to always say that,” Vanya said, pouring another drink, “time travel could mess up your mind. Well, maybe that’s what’s happening?” Five stood up, Hugo passing him his blazer so the former could put it on.</p><p> “This was a mistake,” Five said. Hugo rubbed his back, trying to settle him down. “You’re too young,” Five continued, grabbing Hugo’s hand so they could leave, “Too naive to understand.”</p><p> “No, Hugo, Five, wait,” Vanya stuttered out. The boys turned around to look at her. “I haven’t seen you in a long time, and I don’t want to lose you again. That’s all.” Hugo hummed in acknowledgement as Five nodded, proceeding to walk to the door. “And you know what, it’s getting late, and I have lessons early, and I need to sleep, and I’m sure you do too,” Vanya said, making the couch comfortable. “Here,” she said, finishing. “We’ll talk again in the morning again, okay? I promise.” Hugo nodded, sitting down.</p><p> “Night,” Five and Hugo chimed to their sister.</p><p> “Night,” Vanya replied.</p><p> They waited for the door to shut before talking again. Five sat down, and Hugo rested his cheek on Five’s shoulder as Five pulled out a glass eye.</p><p> “What’s that?” Hugo asked softly. Five held it out to Hugo so he could examine it.</p><p> “A key to stopping the apocalypse,” Five muttered. Hugo nodded, looking over the eye. He pointed to the print on the eye.</p><p> “We should-“ Hugo said, and Five nodded, getting up. They left Vanya’s apartment.</p><p> “I’ll drive,” Five said. “Since you’re too tired and possibly too horny to drive.”</p><p> “Hey!” Hugo cried quietly, “Am I not able to get horny every once in a while?”</p><p> “The apocalypse is happening and you were thinking about knocking me up,” Five said, starting the engine. “Which, by the record, would not be happening. You’re too much of a bottom to knock me up.” Hugo stayed quiet for a moment, before leaning over to kiss Five firmly.</p><p> “I am not,” Hugo objected. Five let out a chuckle.</p><p> “Sure.” Five started driving, and Hugo let out a hum. The sun was just barely coming out, but Hugo got sleep in. Five was surprised, considering Hugo was photosensitive and would wake up when there was light. -Seven more days,- Five thought to himself nervously, tapping on the steering wheel. Five looked over at Hugo sometimes, who was sleeping like a baby, golden locks in his face. The sun peeked out as Five parked, causing Hugo to wake up. “Morning baby,” Five said. “Sleep well?” Hugo hummed a yes, pecking Five on the lips.</p><p> They walked into the building, hands held. “Uh, can I help you?” A man asked, likely a doctor. Hugo nodded as Five took out the eye.</p><p> “We need to find out who this belongs to,” Hugo said.</p><p> “Where did you get that?” The doctor asked.</p><p> “What do you care?” Five asked defensively. Hugo pulled on his arm to quiet down. “We- we found it. At a playground, actually. Must’ve just-“ Five and Hugo clicked their tongues at the same time.</p><p> “Popped out,” Hugo finished. “We want to return it to it’s rightful owner.”</p><p> “Oh, what thoughtful young twins,” the receptionist said. The duo couldn’t help their look of disgust.</p><p> “Partners, actually,” Hugo corrected.</p><p> “Look up the name for us, will ya?” Five asked the man.</p><p> The man looked between the two, slightly intimidated. “Uh, I’m sorry, but patient records are strictly confidential. That means I can’t tell you-“</p><p> “We know what it means,” Hugo said bitterly.</p><p> “But I’ll tell you what I can do,” the man said, and Hugo shifted, listening. I will take the eye off your hands and return it to the owner. I’m sure they will be very grateful, so if I can just-“ the man said, grabbing for the eye. Five passed the eye to Hugo swiftly.</p><p> “Yeah, you’re not touching this eye,” Five said, and Hugo tucked the eye into his pocket.</p><p> “Now, you listen here, young man-“ the man said, and Hugo scoffed as Five grabbed him by his collar.</p><p> “No! You listen to us, asshole,” Five said aggressively. “We’ve come a long way for this, through some shit your pea brain couldn’t even comprehend, so just give us the information we need, and we’ll be on our merry way. And if you call me or my boyfriend “young man” one more time, I’m gonna put your head through that damn wall.” Hugo smiled.</p><p> “Oh dear,” the receptionist said.</p><p> “Call security,” the man said.</p><p> “Yeah.” Hugo sighed, and they walked out.</p><p> “Boyfriend?” Hugo asked. Five scoffed.</p><p> “Are you not?” Five asked. Hugo shrugged, holding Five’s hand.</p><p> “We’ve been dating for longer than everyone else in that case,” Hugo said.</p><p> “Well, we aren’t like everyone else,” Five said, and they smiled.</p><p> “Well, now I have an idea,” Hugo said when they got into the car.</p><p> “I’m listening,” Five said, smiling.</p><hr/><p> “Five? Hugo? Are you upstairs?” Vanya called, and Hugo pushed Klaus into the closet, Five pretending to work on something as Hugo sat on the bed. Vanya sighed when she saw them. “Oh, thank God,” she said. “I was worried sick about you.”</p><p> “Sorry we left without saying goodbye,” Five said. Hugo nodded, standing next to Five.</p><p> “No, look,” Vanya said, “I should be the one saying sorry.” Hugo gave her a look of surprise and Vanya nodded. “Yeah, I was dismissive, and I guess I didn’t know how to process what you were saying. And I still can’t to be honest.”</p><p> “Maybe you were right to be dismissive,” Hugo said, and Five nodded. Hugo scoffed, “Maybe it wasn’t real after all, maybe it was a crazy dream I came up with. It felt so real, though.”</p><p> “Well, like you said, the old man did say time travel could contaminate the mind,” Five said. Hugo nodded, back hugging Five.</p><p> “Then maybe I’m not the right person you should be talking to. Look, I used to see someone,” Vanya said. “A therapist. I could give you her information.” Hugo sighed.</p><p> “Thanks, but,” Five said, looking at Hugo and pulling him to hug him, “I think we’re just gonna get some rest. It’s been a while since Hugo and I’ve had a good sleep.” Hugo nodded, and Vanya looked between the two.</p><p> “Okay,” she sighed, looking at the duo one last time and heading out.</p><p> “Ugh, wish we could get sleep,” Hugo said, as Five went to check if Vanya had gone and Klaus stumbled out of the closet.</p><p> “That’s so-“ Klaus started, gasping after accidentally stepping on one of Hugo’s contraptions, “touching, all that stuff about family and Dad and time. Wow!” Hugo snorted in laughter, Five seeming to become more upset.</p><p> “Would you shut up? She’ll hear you!” Five whisper-yelled. Hugo tried to contain his laughter as Klaus stood all the way up, his outfit showing.</p><p> “I’m moist,” Klaus said, and Hugo started laughing.</p><p> “We told you to put on something professional,” Five snapped at Klaus. Hugo went to hug Five from behind, knowing how upset Five was.</p><p> “What? This is my nicest outfit,” Klaus said, and Hugo gave Klaus a ‘tread carefully’ look.</p><p> Five sighed, grabbing one of Hugo’s hands. “We’ll raid the old man’s closet,” he muttered.</p><p> “As long as I get paid,” Klaus said.</p><p> “When the job is done,” Hugo told him.</p><p> “Okay, but just so we’re clear on the finer details,” Klaus said, earning a groan from the duo. “I just gotta go into this place and pretend to be your dear old dad, correct?” Klaus pointed at Five.</p><p> “Yeah, something like that,” Five replied quickly.</p><p> “What’s our cover story?” Klaus asked.</p><p> “What?” Five asked.</p><p> “What are you talking about?” Hugo asked.</p><p> “I mean, was I really young when I had you? Like, sixteen? Like, young,” Klaus said, over dramatic, “and terribly misguided?”</p><p> “Sure,” Hugo said, back hugging Five closer.</p><p> “You both are childhood sweethearts,” Klaus said, “with a pledge to get married as soon as you’re eighteen.” Hugo and Five looked at each other, because marriage was a strange idea to the duo.</p><p> “You should probably leave out the marriage part,” Five said sharply.</p><p> “Well, then, you’re still childhood sweethearts,” Klaus said. “You need to make it really believable, too. Like PDA and all that.” Hugo sighed, and Five closed his eyes, frowning. They were never really the type for PDA. “Now your mother, that slut,” Klaus said out of nowhere, and Hugo snorted. “Whoever she was, we met at,” Klaus said, thinking, “the disco. Okay? Remember that.” Klaus snapped his fingers in epiphany. “Oh, my God, the sex was amazing!” Hugo started laughing.</p><p> “What a disturbing glimpse into that thing you call a brain,” Five said, trying to keep Hugo’s arms around him, but Hugo laughed harder and Five gave up.</p><p> “Don’t make me put you in time-out,” Klaus warned, and Hugo laughed even harder.</p><p> “Jeez Hugo, you’re gonna bust a lung,” Five said, and Hugo tried taking a few deep breaths before smiling at Five.</p><p> “That’s why there are two lungs in the human anatomy,” Hugo said.</p><p> They went to Reginald’s closet, filing through his clothes. Hugo grabbed some that looked decent and threw them at Klaus in the duo’s room.</p><p> “Here,” he said. Klaus nodded, but looked between the two before leaving the bedroom.</p><p> “Are you two-“ Klaus asked.</p><p> “It’s none of your business,” Five snapped. Klaus went to go change, giggling like a schoolgirl. “Jeez, he doesn’t need to try and predict everything that happens between us,” Five said. Hugo pulled him closer, using his tie to pull him in for a kiss. Five kissed back, arms around Hugo. Five kissed along Hugo’s jawline, down to his collar, pulling it away slightly so he could make a mark there. Hugo moaned and Five continued to work on Hugo, loosening Hugo’s tie and unbuttoning his collar so it would be easier to reach. Hugo broke away first, pushing Five onto the bed and closing the door. “We don’t have that much time,” Five said, almost nervously. Hugo gave him a crooked smile, and straddled Five. “You’re such a power bottom, baby,” Five said, pulling Hugo down to kiss him. Hugo smiled into it, kissing more and more fiercely. Five moved his hips just to get some friction between the two of them, and they moaned.</p><p> “Hey guys,” Klaus said, walking in before his eyes landed on the two. “Um, wow,” Klaus said, pulling out his phone as Hugo rolled off Five and tried to stop Klaus. Klaus snapped a few photos and Hugo ran after him down to the car, Five following along. When they all got into the car, Klaus spoke, “Mind explaining to your dear old dad what that was all about?” Hugo buttoned his collar and tightened his tie, tucking it back into his vest, Five nervously adjusting his tie.</p><p> “As we said,” Hugo said, “none of your business.”</p><p>
  <span class="u">The group chat, ig </span>
</p><p>
  <em>Spookboi sent 5 photos</em>
</p><p>knivesss: wha-</p><p>Queen: Well, I’m not surprised.</p><p>
  <em>Hugo deleted 7 messages</em>
</p><hr/><p> “Like I said to your son and his boyfriend earlier, and information about the prosthetics we build is strictly confidential,” the doctor said. “Without the client’s consent, I simply can’t help you.”</p><p> “Well, we can’t get consent if you don’t give us a name,” Hugo said.</p><p> “Well, that’s not my problem,” the doctor said, and Hugo and Five looked at each other, devising a plan to get the information. “Sorry. Now, there’s really nothing more I can do, so-“ Hugo and Five got up, looking at each other and confirming their plan.</p><p> “And what about my consent?” Klaus said, before the duo could do anything.</p><p> “Excuse me?” The doctor asked, confused.</p><p> “Who gave you permission,” Klaus said, over dramatic as usual, “to lay your hands on my son?”</p><p> “What?” Five and the doctor asked.</p><p> Hugo whispered in Five’s ear, “Just go with it.”</p><p> “You heard me,” Klaus said.</p><p> “I didn’t touch your son,” the doctor said.</p><p> “Oh, really?” Klaus asked him, “Well, then how did he get that swollen lip, then?”</p><p> “He doesn’t have a swollen-“ the doctor started, before Klaus punched Five in the face.</p><p> “I want it. Name, please. Now,” Klaus said, and Hugo looked at Five, slightly worried.</p><p> “You’re crazy,” the doctor said.</p><p> Hugo turned to him. “Oh, you haven’t even the slightest idea,” he said, smiling. Klaus picked up the snow globe on the table, looking at it.</p><p> “‘Peace on Earth.’ That’s so sweet,” Klaus said, before suddenly bashing his head on the globe. “God, that hurt!” he yelled. “I’m calling security-“ he said, grabbing the phone.</p><p> “What are you doing?” The doctor panicked.</p><p> Klaus gave a gasp before crying into the phone, “There’s been an assault in Mr. Big’s office and we need security, now. Schnell!” He stuffed the phone back onto the holder, sighing. “Now here’s what’s gonna happen, Grant.”</p><p> “It’s- Lance,” the doctor corrected.</p><p> “In about 60 seconds, two security guards are gonna burst through that door, and they’re gonna see a whole lot of blood, and they’re gonna wonder ‘What the hell happened?’” Klaus said, and the duo smirked behind him. “And we’re gonna tell them that you,” Klaus said, over dramatic, “beat the shit out of us.” He gave out a dramatic sob, then sighed. “You’re gonna do great in prison, Grant. Trust me, I’ve been there. Little piece of chicken like you. Oh, my God, you’re gonna get passed around like a,” Klaus said, pausing and thinking. “You’re just- you’re gonna do great. That’s all I’m saying.”</p><p> “He should be an actor,” Hugo mused to Five. Five nodded, causing Hugo to smile.</p><p> “Jesus, you are a real sick bastard,” the doctor said.</p><p> “Thank you,” Klaus said, spitting out a glass shard.</p><hr/><p> “Oh, that’s strange,” the doctor said.</p><p> “What?” Five asked.</p><p> “Uh, the eye. It hasn’t been purchased by a client yet,” he responded.</p><p> “What? What do you mean?” Hugo asked.</p><p> “Well, uh, our logs say that the eye with that serial number,” the doctor started, but trailed off. “This can’t be right. It hasn’t even been manufactured yet.” He looked up at the duo. “Where did you get that eye?”</p><p> Hugo and Five sighed.</p><p>
  <span class="u">The group chat, ig </span>
</p><p>Spookboi: Five and Hugo are officially childhood sweethearts</p><p>Queen: When were they not?</p><p> “Well, this is not good,” Five said, tracing Hugo’s veins with a finger.</p><p> “I was pretty good, though, right?” Klaus said, laughing, “‘Yeah. What about my consent, bitch?’” He chuckled, and Hugo smiled, but his smile faded.</p><p> “Klaus, it doesn’t matter,” Hugo said sadly.</p><p> “What? What?” he asked, looking between the duo. “What’s the big deal with this eye, anyway?”</p><p> “There is someone out there who’s going to lose an eye in the next seven days. They’re gonna bring about the end of life on this Earth as we know it,” Five said. Hugo rubbed his back, trying to make sure he wouldn’t get too worked up.</p><p> “Yea, can I get that twenty bucks, like, now, or what?” Klaus asked. Hugo stared at him sharply.</p><p> “Your twenty bucks?” Hugo asked in disbelief.</p><p> “Yeah, my twenty bucks,” Klaus said, as if it weren’t obvious his intentions.</p><p> “The apocalypse is coming, and all you can think about is getting high?” Five asked, very upset. Hugo hugged him to try and calm him down.</p><p> “Well, I’m also quite hungry,” Klaus said, “Tummy’s a-rumblin’!” he looked at his stomach, imitating it growling.</p><p> Five stood up in outburst, and Hugo sighed, giving a sharp look to Klaus. “You’re useless! You’re all useless! Hugo and I are trying to stop the end of the world and-“</p><p> “Oh, come on,” Klaus said. Hugo looked at him angrily. “You old men need to lighten up.” Klaus sighed, thinking about the situation. “Hey, you know, I’ve just now realized why you’re so uptight.”</p><p> “Oh?” Hugo asked, hugging Five and rubbing his back.</p><p> “You must be horny as hell!” Klaus said, laughing. “All those years by yourselves, trying to figure out your next meal.”</p><p> “Hey, at least we aren’t out getting high off with a new guy every other night like you, Klaus!” Hugo retorted.</p><p> “You’ve been together for over forty years, you deserve to fuck sometime,” Klaus said. “Ah, forty years. God, the longest I’ve been with someone was- I don’t know, three weeks. And that was only because-“ Five grabbed Hugo’s hand, blinking into a taxi.</p><p> The taxi driver gasped. “Don’t stop,” Hugo told him. “Just keep going.”</p><p> “Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, what about my money?” Klaus shouted at them. Hugo sighed, and leaned on Five’s shoulder as Five mock saluted to Klaus.</p><p> Five told the driver the address, and Hugo mumbled into Five’s neck, “He’s not wrong, you know.”</p><p> “But we do have to stop the apocalypse,” Five whispered into his ear. They stayed in silence for a moment before Five muttered huskily, “I’ll make it up to you later, baby.”</p><p> “Oh, please do,” Hugo smiled, his hand snaking to Five’s neck. “Being a fifty four year old virgin doesn’t exactly appeal to me.”</p>
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